Caring

I've often heard it said that people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. I agree. It should be that way. But I sometimes see that the adage translates into, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you coddle."

Being cared for and being coddled may start with the same letter but that's about where the similarities end. In my opinion, it is much more caring for someone to make a hard, gut-wrenching decision to have a difficult conversation with me as their friend than to either ignore my brokenness or say something about me behind my back. In fact, many of the times that the Kingdom have been most palpable to me have been those times when in authenticity a difficult conversation takes place.

It is much easier for us to not confront. It is much easier to take the easy way...hence the obvious name. It evokes much less stress to maintain the status quo or equilibrium. But my times of growth and life-change (those times when I'm being changed by God to look more like His Son) usually don't happen in these contexts. Like muscles being torn during a good work out, my life change and growth usually happens with a tearing. [As a side note, that usually isn't a tearing of my brain tissues alone but rather a tearing of my ego, expectations, or heart in some way.]

So I want to know that people care about me before I care about how much they know...I really do. But I also want that caring to be the right kind of caring. Not coddling. Not allowing me to remain as I am. Rather, I want to be stretched by the kind of love that doesn't leave well-enough alone. Then I'll know how much they care and, probably, how much they know at the same time.

So does that make sense to you? Do you ever think the same way? Does my thinking need to be challenged? Because I want to lead in this same way. So it'd be good to know what you think, too.

Leadership Paradoxes

Leadership is difficult. That probably isn't enlightening to you.

As a leader I often find myself questioning my own decisions and directions. (And, authentically, I wonder if other leaders do the same or if they have some God-given, self-assuredness that I'm lacking.) And I've often heard it said that if you think you're leading people someplace but turn around to see no one following, then you're simply taking a walk.

But perhaps that doesn't mean that you don't know where you're going or that it is the wrong someplace. Perhaps it is just that people don't want to follow. Or, likely, it is that we haven't help them to see and take the appropriate steps to be able to follow.

We talk about determining our next steps here at Parkside a lot. I hope God gives me more clarity everyday in my own next steps and in discerning next steps for those who are on this Journey with me.

Words

We're talking more these days about a discipleship path that will help people in their journey. People use language that can be an indicator of where they are in their discipleship. Jesus himself said that "out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." James also talked about the dangers of the tongue and that we (as Christ-followers) should be quicker to listen than to speak.

As a leader, it is a challenge to develop that skill set. Not just knowing what to do with what people say...but being quiet long enough to let them say anything at all. I like to be heard. I like to have the last word. Sometimes, I like the dependence...it's the devilish thing that still needs to be redeemed in me.

It's also a lack of love. It is much more loving and anti-egocentric to let someone else speak while I listen. I'm trying to let the Holy Spirit work on that.

Hope for Me

Our Lifegroup began meeting again last night after a two week Easter break. We talked about Acts 1 -- the ascension of Jesus. I told the story last night (we're using storying in our group...ask me about it if you're unfamiliar) and, as a result, I noticed the word Kingdom used twice.

Over the 40 days that Jesus was with them after He rose from the dead the Bible says He talked to them about the Kingdom. Then, the disciples turn right around and ask if Jesus was about to institute the earthly, Israelite kingdom they had all been expecting.

It's easy to sit here 2000 years later (and having read the end of the book) and wonder how those guys missed the point. Jesus spent three years plus 40 days trying to shift their thinking...and obviously He still hadn't broken through.

But for me the point isn't so much the apostles who still didn't get it. The point, and the hope, is that just as Jesus was exceedingly patient with those first followers who were slow to grasp the power and reality of the Kingdom, He will be equally patient with me as a follower today going through those identical struggles.

I don't understand His patience. But I'm grateful for it then and now.

April Fool's Day

I often wonder how things got started. Today is an example. Who thought of April Fool's Day? Why? When? Etc., etc.

So, of course, I snopes-ed. Perhaps it has something to do with changing to a Gregorian calendar (and you thought they were just into chanting). Or it may have something to do with the Vernal Equinox, which sounds like an undesirable disease to me.

Whatever the origin, we've taken it upon ourselves on days like today to play jokes on those closest to us. So, enjoy your day and watch out for others enjoying theirs.

Margin

Yesterday I had to make a tough decision about doing too much...or, rather, not doing too much. That's difficult for me. I'm a person who likes control. Other people might say "control freak" but I don't have to because I'm typing...I'm in control...and I can call it whatever I want.

I'm realizing more and more that I need margin in my life. I don't always allow for it. In fact, in the few posts I've put on here this year you can probably see that as a theme if you look hard enough. But it isn't about my time management. It's about my relationship with God.

As a Christ-follower I talk about Jesus being lord of my life, the one who is in control. But while I acknowledge that in my cranium I'm pretty sure it isn't in my character and actions. Margin is less about my time management and more about Who I allow to manage my time. And contrary to popular business books, the correct answer shouldn't be "me".

So I made a tough choice yesterday to not do something. It was hard. But it was growth. If nothing else, it was growth in my image-consciousness (another achilles heel) by having to acknowledge that what "they" think or say isn't the issue. Obedience and margin...now those are issues.

Disciples Who Make Disciples

If there is one thing that is different so far this year within our ministry staff at Parkside, it is our focus and intensity in discussing how we make disciples who make disciples. We've long recognized (or, at least, questioned) how well we've truly been engaged in making disciples. But lately we've been challenged with an addendum to the question: how do we make disciples who make disciples.

I am convinced by looking at Jesus' model that making a disciple wasn't His ultimate objective. The role of Jesus' disciples was to go and make other disciples...not simply to become a disciple of Jesus unto themselves. It's a small shift in language but a huge shift in impact.

Jesus made disciples who made disciples and so on through one simple method embodied in lots of different ways: relationships. Jesus said that the most important commandment had two parts: love God and love others (in Matthew 22). We must be in a relationship with God and we must be in relationship with others. Not just any relationship, mind you. An intentional relationship with others that helps us grow in our life-changing relationship with Jesus Christ.

Our Reset Group has been an amazing experience so far. We collect as a group of people who are broad in age, life experiences, and places on our Journey. We range from not having a relationship with Jesus at all to having walked with Him for years. But it is awesome to continue to be on the Journey together.

In relationship.

Intentional relationships that are helping us become disciples...who make disciples.